1) Stroller wheels

The upright stroller is so yesterday. Need to muck out the chicken coop? Get some gardening done? Wolf down the danish you’ve been hiding in your bag so you don’t have to share? Might I recommend the upside-down or side-lying stroller.

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My feral children find spinning the wheels to be mesmerizing. And they pick up all sorts of immune-boosting bacteria to boot.

Here’s an example of how we like to use the upturned stroller in everyday life.

Though it looks like they keeled over from sheer excitement as they watched us put the finishing touches on our chicken run, our strollers were actually just falling in line for a 1-year-old’s wheel spinning bonanza.

 2) Pot with lid and other stuff

Your kid isn’t obsessed with taking lids off of pots and putting things inside, putting the lid on, taking the lid back off, taking everything out and then starting over again? That’s just because you haven’t given her the opportunity! Add spoons or tongs or trucks and voila! You just created a toddler project. And she might be at it for 20 minutes or more.

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You know what that means. Dishes washed. Strange crust scraped off of table. And maybe, just maybe, some texting in the corner where she can’t see you.

3) Baby snot sucker thing

Behold! The most revered and requested bath toy in our house:

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With it, you can suck whole milliliters of snot out of your baby’s nostrils. But no, that’s not all!! In subsequent years, it doubles as a tub toy that delights for hours. Since the various parts detach from each other, you can watch as your children suck up bathwater and spit it out through the clear tubing like a whale with a blowhole! Listen as they bubble and splurt water out of the blue, egg-shaped chamber, and let your mind be transported to that college dorm room, the glow of Christmas lights on Frank Zappa posters, the intermittent gurgle of bong water.

*Bonus* Plastic tubing also works as a siphon. With only a small cup on your bathtub ledge and some suction, your children can explore the miracle of atmospheric pressure.

*Warning* Persistent bath play with this product can lead to mold growth in the clear tubing as seen above. A pipe cleaner and some soap can do the trick. Or you can take a page from the stroller wheel playbook and let those kids keep on immune boosting.

4) Canning jar rings

While I cannot speak to the use of these in terms of food preservation–we haven’t actually canned anything in years (fingers crossed for plum season 2015)–I can attest to their usefulness to a 1 year old.

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They make a tinny clatter when you pour them out for the 30th time on the kitchen floor. They spin around on their ends sometimes. They are bracelets.

5) And last but not least:

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Think scissors are a terrible toy for your toddler? Think again. There is so much learning and fun to be had with these. Last week, I cleaned the entire house while Cal tried to cut his own fingernails with them. After we bandaged his bloody fingers, he cooked me a delicious roasted turkey supper. Then he built a fire in our wood burning stove and performed Hamlet’s soliloquy as I warmed my feet on the hearth.

And if you believe that, then stay a while, and I’ll tell you another one.

True, I allow my kids to drink their bathwater through *slightly* moldy snot-sucker tubing. But even I have my limits.

Cal can’t play with these till he’s 3.